As teens go through many changes, their mind changes as well. The brain organizes and decipher information differently. Usually this is the time when adolescents decide how they want to live their lives. Some decide they feel they are meant to be a different gender, and others decide they finally want to come out of the closet. Something may be “just a phase” while others become permanently embedded into the brains of today’s youth. Self identification is a process that occurs when teenagers decide that they want to make the change permanent, and this change can continue into early 20’s. Teenagers face a lot while trying to identify themselves: gender identification, sexual orientation, and social influences.
A major factor in self identification is sexuality. Only recently has other preferences for partnership been more outspoken. Humans have a need to develop a personal identity that distinguishes us from others. “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” or “What is my purpose in life?” are critical questions that people ask.
According to Kids Helpline, “During this time you might experiment or have thoughts about being with someone of the same sex – this doesn’t automatically make you gay, lesbian, or bisexual or experiment or have thoughts of being with someone of the opposite sex – this doesn’t necessarily mean you are heterosexual”.
Unfortunately, in society many are often ‘told’ that being different from others is wrong, bad, or something that needs to be fixed. Regarding sexuality, these messages can come through really clearly when people talk about ‘gays’ and ‘lesbians’ in a negative way, or more subtly in magazines, on TV, or in music.
“Something to think about there is no rush to define who you are. Over time you will most likely feel more secure and comfortable within yourself. Talking with a counselor or supportive service can be a helpful starting point. People often define who they are by what they do, however you don’t have to be sexually active to know that you are straight, gay or whatever! You can engage in sexual activity as part of experimenting with people of the opposite or same sex, and still not be totally sure. Being attracted to someone of the same sex might be different to the people around you, however this does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It also does not mean that you need to change or fix anything about you. Being attracted to someone of the same sex is only one part of who you are as a person. Being who you are as a person is what is important!” –Kids Helpline
Sexual orientation is not the same as identifying as a different gender or feeling like being “in the wrong body”. Sometimes people confuse sexuality with gender and wonder if they should actually ‘be’ the opposite sex to what they are. Some people identify as a different gender to that which they were born and some also decide to make physical changes to their bodies, because they feel they are ‘stuck in the wrong body’. This is knows as being transgender.
It is important to note that being transgender is not the same as being gay or lesbian. If there is an attraction to people of the same gender/sex, it does not mean they are transgender. People who are trans identify as the opposite gender – a male identifies as a female or a female identifies as a male.
A major part of self identification is deciding either to stay or change one’s gender. In some instances, a child will discover at an early age they don’t feel comfortable in their skin. Many children grow up to be trans. According to Gender Network “From a very early age we will start to feel increasingly uncomfortable [if our gender identity, our sense of being a boy or being a girl, does not match our physical body]. Unfortunately because trans people are a small minority of the population the condition has been labeled by Psychiatrists as ‘Gender Identity Disorder’ “.
A disturbing but realizing fact from Gender Network is “Hardly surprising that 35% of trans people attempt suicide – compared to a national average of about 3% who attempt of contemplate”. Gender stereotyping is exactly what it sound like; an example being that when a boy is born he will like the color blue, play with trucks, like to get dirty, etc.. It can be harmful to children and cause confusion in adolescence. Another quote from Gender Network is as follows.
A stereotype is defined as “A fixed, commonly held notion or image of a person or group, based on an oversimplification of some observed or imagined trait of behavior or appearance.” Some might be aware of some of the stereotypes that are out there about people who are gay, lesbian or bisexual. These often come from really uninformed assumptions and negative beliefs.
“Gender stereotyping has nothing to do with gender identity. It is our sense of self and belonging. It’s hard wired into the brain during foetal development and it cannot be changed. The overwhelming desire to wear clothes of the opposite gender is brought about by our need to identify with other people of the same gender,” quoted Rikki Arundel of Gender Network.
Just because a child is born a girl doesn’t mean she is going to grow up liking dresses, wearing makeup, cooking, etc. She has the choice to like whatever she wants. Parents forcing children to act to the “social norm” is harmful to the child’s development and decision making skills.
Society plays a huge role in defining what is acceptable through the media. Even the most simple of physical descriptors such as height and weight can be evaluated socially. Although weight is just a number, many people judge themselves based on other people’s weight. In many historical cultures, weight was a sign of good health. Since food was scarce, weight was a sign of health, wealth and therefore beauty. Those who were thin were easily identified as lower, working-class people, while the well-fed were likely rich and of high birth. In society today food is easy to obtain. A higher weight is not valued the same way it was in ancient times.
Today, television has a tendency to use only the thinnest women and the most fit men, who are often professionals when it comes to looking good for the camera. An important part about growing up is figuring out one’s identity. There are many struggles adolescents go through, not to mention all the hormones, creation of brain matter, and social influences.
“What happens during the teenage years is that your sense of who you are — your moral beliefs, your political beliefs, what music you’re into fashion, what music you’re into, fashion, what social group you’re into — that’s what undergoes profound change,” according to Professor Sarah Blakemore of Cognitive Neuroscience at the University College London.
Definitions:
Ally: A cisgender person who supports equal civil rights, gender equality, LGBT social movements, and challenges homophobia, biphobia and transphobia.
Aromantic: One who lacks interest in or desire for romantic relationships
Asexual: A person who is not interested in or does not desire sexual activity, either within or outside of a relationship
Bisexual: A person who is attracted to and have romantic feelings for both genders
Gay: Males who are attracted to and have romantic feelings for males – also known as homosexual
Lesbian: Females who are attracted to and have romantic feelings for females – also known as homosexual
Pansexual: A group which is open to members of all sexual orientations or gender identities
Straight: A person who is attracted to and have romantic feelings for people of the opposite gender only – also known as heterosexual
Transgender: Often used to describe people whose gender identity does not match their biological sex, ie. male or female.
Letter from Reiley,
I am 100% behind those who decide to “come out”, but if you’re nervous to let people know, that’s okay! I am no one to judge. I write from my own perspective when I say that I had a hard time figuring out what I was. It can be scary trying to figure out who you like and if you feel comfortable in the body that you are in. It can be stressful trying to tell your parents. It might even be so stressful that you decided to post-pone your announcement for 5 years. I know I may receive hate and criticism but I’m still trying to figure myself out as well. I have a friend who is “ace” (asexual) but not aromantic.
There is so much information out there. Get yourself educated! I’ve told a few close friends I’m pansexual and they had no idea what that was. For those not educated properly in the world of sexuality I’ve included a small dictionaries of different types of orientations, hoping that I may actually help someone out there.
If you’re struggling to find out what you want, do a little experimenting. I know that’s what they say college is for, but honestly, now is the perfect time. Now don’t start thinking that I’m only going to address those that are confused, because those comfortable in their skin, you better start listening. If you’re one of those people that are comfortable, here’s my advice: Become an Ally. Being an ally is about listening. “Ally” is not a self-proclaimed identity; you have to earn the trust from the LGBTQA community. Allies can never “take a break” and they educate themselves constantly. Lastly when criticized or called Out, allies listen, apologize, act accountable, and act differently doing forward.
Teenagers face a lot of problems. If we could just learn to be nice and not so judgmental of others, I’m sure a lot of people would live a lot happier. Some of take medication, some of us have a weird rash on our thigh, some of us haven’t developed or hit our growth spurts yet. It’s going to be okay! I promise you that things may seem rough and hard now, but there are people for you to help you out, and if they’re not, then I hate to say it but, you might need to find new people.
Whatever you like now may not be what you are interested 20 years from now. It’s okay if things change. People change. Just because someone said something dumb a few years ago and you are still holding a grudge, maybe it’s time to give them another chance. People’s opinions and knowledge change all the time. Everyone is different, and that wonderful! The world wouldn’t be the same without you. Even though we are a tiny particle in this giant universe, our problems may seem galactic, and I’m here to help you, along with my staffers and other students here at school and the community. It’s okay to have problems and difficulties, just don’t let them bring you down. I have confidence in you to be the best you, you can be.
Reiley Hillman,
News Staffer
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